Today is the first day of my blog! I wish I had started this long ago, but there is no time like the present. I plan to use this space to collect my thoughts and ideas and what God is saying to me. My goal is to chart my growth here.
I was praying this morning for my two friends TMEBC and PRA. (I prefer to use initials here because I don't want people's feelings to be hurt because they feel that they are being exposed.) One thing that I saw about these two people is that they possess a similarity in their strong desire to control situations and others. As I interceded for them I remembered when I realized that I wanted to control others. When I was around 25 I was going through a terrible time at my job (Training & Employment) and I had not yet finished college. Money was so tight and my living situation with my roommates JW and MC was difficult because JW was spoiled and selfish. At that time I wanted my parents to help me financially and I wanted them to visit me, but things weren't going the way I thought they should.
One particular after when I was home alone my mother called and said she was passing by Greensboro because she had just dropped the daughter of a friend off in Winston-Salem at schoo. I wanted her to stop by and see my apartment for the first time, but she said she didn't have time. I was offended that she was so close and had time to help someone else, yet was not interested in seeing me and I told her as much. I finally guilted her into coming by to see me, but I could not coax her out of the car and into the apartment because she didnt' want to loose time getting back to Greensboro. I was so angry and hurt. I went back into my apartment and the tears started before I could even get to my bedroom. I fell on my knees, heart broken and weeping. I began to ask God what was wrong with me and why I was so sensitive. The Lord spoke to me and said that He had created me to be sensitive and that was ok. But after I calmed down He spoke to me again and showed me that I was selfish because I wanted to control my parents and brothers so that I could be treated by them the way I thought they should treat me. That was eye opening because I always thought of myself as generous and kind, but never selfish. I started to cry again out of anguish of this revelation. But after a few minutes, through my tears I began to thank God for showing me myself.
Romans 8:14 says "For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God." This incident caused me to be much more aware to allow others to be led by God and not try to force them to be led by my emotions, even if my motives are not bad. I pray that my friends will learn to allow the Holy Spirit to lead them and their families and allow their emotions to drive others to meet their needs and desires. Man's resources are not only limited, but they come from God. Each person needs to go to the Father to have their needs met and not put those in their life in positions they were not created to be in. This is my prayer for my friends today.
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